How Did I Get Here?

        Enough of irony, my real spiritual unfolding did not begin until the mid 70’s when I was around 35, although my coming-of-age years in the tumultuous 60’s when I read the beat poets and Kerouac and did my own “on-the-road” adventuring did provide a crude introduction to Buddhism and were part of the quest. My karmic conditions were beginning to ripen in as much as I started to yearn for something more. I had been very career oriented and achieved success of a worldly nature in engineering, banking, and government, but that was not enough. I began having mystical experiences that I could not explain. Supernatural things happened, but I knew no one who could explain what was happening. I started my spiritual quest without a lot of clues or guidance. A dear friend in Santa Barbara tried to get me to try Transcendental Meditation and work with the spirit guides that his partner channeled. That is how I heard from Rev. Koepplin. Sam had extended an open invitation to attend their seances, but I was never that interested. One day I had a very strong urge to join them. I called Sam and asked if I could come up and he said, “Of course. Who do you think wants to talk to you?” I had no idea, but although there were five or six spirits who wanted to talk to me and all had compelling stories, it seemed like Rev. Koepplin was the most passionate about it. In fact, he got so excited, he would fade out and we had a difficult time maintaining contact.

        Although the information I received from the spirits was very interesting and sometimes useful, they did not help me in my spiritual quest. For example, the spirit beings told me that I had been a weaver, and it was true I could see landscapes as weavings and when I bought a loom, I was immediately able to sit down and weave beautiful elaborate patterns without any instruction. Another one asked me if I still liked to eat pistachios and dates, which I do. He told me how much I had enjoyed them when he knew me, I believe somewhere in the Middle East. Although being in contact with this other dimension helped me realize that there was much more to the universe than my limited perspective allowed, it did not satisfy my yearnings for a deeper understanding of the mysteries of life. Spirits are, after all, merely members of the ghost realm, and although some ghosts may have greater supernatural powers than we do, they are still not enlightened beings.

        On December 7, 1980 during a tropical storm in an elegant adobe hacienda at a ranch in Mexico, the first of what became a series of supernatural events occurred that I later came to know as spontaneous initiations. At that time, I was visited by rainbow lights that exploded in my body and filled me with immense bliss, but I have no words to adequately describe it. I thought of it as “rainbow dynamite.” I knew I had been blessed and it was a wonderful state that I never wanted to lose. This experience happened 5 or 6 times over a period of five years. In the other experiences, I was visited by a light being as before, only the other times the light was pure white and sometimes there were beautiful rainbow jewels in the light. The feeling of bliss was incredible. Something was happening to me. Some of my negative karma was being washed away and at least for those moments I had clarity. Some of the empowerments I received from my Buddha Master later in my life were like that, too. I received incredible clarity and, at least for the moment, felt a whole other level of existence, but it was up to me to practice what I was taught to actually achieve that level. I am afraid that too often I failed. I was more chicken than phoenix. I resisted. 

        On the journey taken across America to promote my Buddha Master, I met several people who told me of also having such life-changing experiences and wanting to continue in that state, but not being able to do so. Perhaps gaining this insight into the true nature of how things are is not so rare but being able to understand what is happening and abide in such a state is certainly not possible for most people. It is only through learning and practicing the correct Buddha Dharma that one can obtain and abide in such holy states. How can people who have never even heard of Buddhism experience such states—if even only momentarily? I can only think that this is the maturing of good karma earned in previous lives. The Buddha Master often talks of being a “causal Bodhisattva.” I think that means that at a given moment you have created the causes to be a bodhisattva. The transformation can be that immediate, however most of us do not have the training, discipline, or ability to stay in that state. You merely get a glimpse of what this wondrous state is like, but you may never be the same.

        The last time these light beings came, I was staying at the San Francisco Zen Center and was clearly told that they were finished and now I was on my own to continue my work. They would not be back, and they have not been. Not remembering anything about these sorts of experiences from my past lives, I wanted to share the experiences with everyone. I did not know that you do not do this. 

        You do not tell others about supernormal states and experiences for many reasons. One is that they will not believe you and think you most strange or even crazy. Some may even think you to be an alien. I could understand that. I remember a comment made by someone criticizing what I had said about my guru that I “…must have been off my meds.” I know I run that risk in writing this book and describing my experiences. I could not believe what had happened and I had experienced it. How could I expect someone else to believe me? Another reason is that other people will cause you to doubt what happened. The shamans warn that evil sorcerers or demons will steal your powers, or try to, and there is always the risk of generating pride and self-attachment. But by studying this sort of thing under my Buddha Master, the great Holy Dorje Chang Buddha III, I now know that it is just not in accord with the principles of the Buddha Dharma. 

        In Buddhism you must be very careful not to do, say, or think negative things that will generate negative karma, and you must also not do anything that will cause others to do so either. Those who have not had such experiences may generate negative responses, either doubting their own worth because they have never experienced such states, or they may become jealous and envy you because of your experiences. They may want to discredit you or harm you to make themselves feel more secure. I understand that.

        How can I talk about my supernormal experiences in this book? I am doing so to help others have faith in the powers of the Buddha Dharma and know that there is another world or realm that is much different from what we normally experience, and that we can access that world. Because of this, my Buddha Master has often told me that I could tell my story, so that others may also believe and develop faith in the true Buddha Dharma. I humbly pray that any merit that I may have received from these events may be shared with all living beings, including those who may malign me.

        I searched for answers in many of the traditional world religions that would explain what I was experiencing. I converted to Judaism when I married my second husband. The rabbi who I then studied with was helpful. I became active in the Church of Religious Science and the Unitarian Universalist Church and studied yoga with a disciple of the great swami Yogananda. I had many, many questions. I even went back to my Native American roots to gain an understanding of what was happening to me. Although the religious leaders and medicine men or shamans to whom I told of my experiences were very understanding, they could not help me or explain why I had these experiences. I was having periods of extraordinary insight and bliss, but the rest of my life seemed to be unraveling and coming apart. I was drinking and compulsively engaged in my work and other unwholesome activities while still trying to practice Zen Buddhism. It almost killed me. I could not reconcile what was happening in my inner state with what I was doing in my outer life. This struggle has continued even as I found the answers I sought. Knowing or finding the truth was one thing. Actually, doing what was correct was another matter.

        I had begun my spiritual quest to seek an end to the suffering that I was experiencing and saw in others, but I could not find any answers. Someone told me that only within the correct Buddha Dharma would I find the answers I was looking for. This proved to be true, but where would I find it?

        On a business trip to Asia while working for Bank of America, I had found the path of the Buddha in the ancient and magnificent temples of Kyoto and began my search for a master who practiced and taught the true Buddha Dharma of Shakyamuni Buddha. I became convinced this was the only system that worked. At least it had worked in earlier times, but what I found seemed so different from when Shakyamuni Buddha taught the Dharma. 

        I sat with Jack Kornfield and other Theravada practitioners in Marin County and with Zen masters in San Francisco and Berkeley. In 1985, I took refuge and received my first Buddhist precepts from Roshi Jinyu-Kennett at Shasta Abbey in northern California. In 1987, I left my job in international banking with full intention to become a nun. I practiced at many monasteries in America and in Japan with several wonderful Japanese, Korean, and American Masters. However, no matter how hard I tried to practice within these traditions, I could not find what I was looking for or the answers to my questions.

        Zen Buddhism gave me glimpses of the Dharmakaya state through meditation practice, but it did not help me with my self-cultivation to become a holy person. I learned from my Buddha Master that training the mind was not enough. You had to train all aspects of your life to be able to become truly enlightened. Your three karmas—your actions, speech and thoughts—had to become like a holy person for you to become a holy person. You needed to transform your worldly consciousnesses into the transcendental wisdom of a Buddha. You had to cultivate all three bodies of a Buddha–the Nirmanakaya, the Samboghakaya, and the Dharmakaya. Most of what I knew and read about Buddhism was merely so-called “popular Buddhism” that was helpful and nice, but I did not think it was the essence of what Shakyamuni Buddha had taught. I found that this was so.

        The Supreme and Unsurpassable Mahamudra of Liberation, which I will discuss later, contains specific and detailed instructions on how to do this cultivation, transforming your mindset into action. It teaches you how to practice enlightenment based on truly great compassion and the correct timing of this activity in relationship to your meditation. For example, you will not be able to realize the Nirmanakaya and Samboghakaya that you must have to become a Buddha if you practice entering emptiness prematurely. Accomplishment in the Dharma depends on very careful attention to these things. These are teachings that I had never even heard of in my years of Zen practice. Zen and other meditative techniques may be good for certain phases in your development, but they are just not complete. I know that one of my students who was a former serious Zen practitioner for years, came to this practice because she realized that the self-cultivation aspect of Zen practice was missing. One needs to develop one’s morality, concentration, and wisdom and do so in the proper sequence for this practice to become effective. Here I am referring to Zen as taught in the modern Zen schools and not zen as a state of mind that is common to all forms of Buddhism and many other religions including in the teachings of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III. Zen is a Japanese term but is transliterated from the Chinese chan or ch’an, which, in turn, came from channa which was the Chinese transliteration of the Sanskrit dhyana. Dhyana or its Pali equivalent of jhana was a term for training the mind or meditation.

        A good friend and Zen priest at the San Francisco Zen Center suggested I become a shaman and learn how to journey to different realms and meet spiritual guides in these places, which I did. He knew I had many questions and that I had not met anyone who could answer my questions. Once while traveling in the upper realms, I did encounter the same phenomena of the great white light beings with their sparkling jewels, but I was not able to enter the light or experience the bliss as before when they visited me. I could see and momentarily experience higher states of consciousness, but not stay or abide in those places. I was still a long way from my goal. I am grateful that I did that shamanic work. I doubt if I would have been prepared for many of the experiences I have had following my Buddha Master, if I had not been made aware of other dimensions and worlds beyond what we think of as ordinary reality.

        I had already been introduced to the esoteric Dharma when I met my true Buddha Master, His Holiness Dorje Chang Buddha III. I knew enough about the esoteric tradition that I knew I had finally found the perfect guru who could answer all my questions, even though I did not at first know His true identity. At that time, He was known to be a Dharma King by the name of Master Wan Ko Yee. All I knew was that my ultimate Buddha Master could communicate directly with the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas and had the full power of the true Buddha Dharma just like Shakyamuni Buddha! I had the extremely good fortune to train intensely and directly with this Buddha Master and receive many initiations and empowerments from the Buddha. At various times in my practice I was even able to stay and travel with this Buddha and His family. At one point in my training I was able to ask my guru anything and He was always able to give a satisfactory answer. I remember that at one time I had a list of almost six hundred questions.

        I lived for many years with Great Rinpoche Akou Lamo, who came from Tibet. Ven. Akou Lamo is very kind and compassionate and her state of realization is very high. Akou Lamo spent most of her time in the hermitage that we shared practicing Dharma. I am sure she is still like that. She is most remarkable and her accomplishments in the Dharma are very great. I am convinced, although she fiercely denies it, that she is a great Bodhisattva. Her supernormal powers are also very great. Although she was mostly able to conceal her abilities, every so often she would do something amazing or know something that was about to happen that could only have been the case if she had supernormal powers. I can still see her lifting the two-ton pool of water at the Ultimate Bathing the Buddha Ceremony held in 2004 (FIGURE 7) and more recently, I watched her body temperature soar to over 140 degrees Fahrenheit when she practiced tummo. I was very fortunate to have been able to spend so much time with her. I will describe these events in more detail later.

        We were both sent to study with His Holiness Dorje Chang Buddha III so that we might learn the highest Dharma. It was on my way to study with the Buddha that I encountered the magnificent Buddha Light shown in FIGURE 8. On looking closely at the photo I took of that Buddha Light, you can see the Buddha sitting in a bright red robe. There were other auspicious signs in the sky that day. A bright rainbow cloud appeared early in the morning and Sanskrit seed syllables appeared in the sky with the rainbow. Sure enough, these were but portents of things to come. The next day there was a very special ceremony in which I encountered my first red Holy Vajra Pill. At that time several pills were placed in my hand. A certain Dharma was performed and one of them flew out of my hand to a holy land in a flash of brightly colored (red) light. It was incredible! I have since learned exactly where that holy pill went and understand the prophecy that was made at that time. Since then, I have had many encounters with these magical holy pills.

        A certain Dharma King had recognized me as a rinpoche. The Buddha also told me that I was a rinpoche when He tonsured me (see FIGURE 9). I have not yet been enthroned as a specific reincarnation nor do I know who it is. The karmic conditions have not yet matured for that to happen. Perhaps it is something I simply do not need to know in this lifetime. When I became able to “awaken” the vajra pill and cause it to do a vajra dance telekinetically I realized that I had begun my process of awakening. I have a theory, but it is only my own and not at all verified, that anyone who is a serious student of H.H. Dorje Chang Buddha III is probably a reincarnated Buddhist of some sort as you would need the good fortune from past lives of training in Buddhism to have the karmic affinity to be able to do so today. When I took the exam in the holy realm a few years ago, I was able to pass the test at the three blue button plus level and was able to venture into the next level, only I did not have the ability to stay there and earn a gold button. My practice needs much work and I still feel like I am just starting.